The Average Learner

Wow second post of the month..not bad huh?

I remembered the last time I was suffering from a break-up (yerp...that's right..suffering).. I can't sleep, I cried almost every night, I wish i could do something about it, I wish him returned to me so that I can fix things, I promised i'll be a better girlfriend, can't even get him out of my head for a year..I said to myself at that time..I'll wait..

But he never returned. He never called. Only on occasion such as birthday I will text him happy birthday and vice versa. That's because we shared the same birthday month.

But if let say now. After looking back. Even if he return now. I would never..ever accept him. That's because time passed by. That's because it had been years. And that's because he had hurt me so so much. I think about the wasted time I thought of him. How many tears rolled down because of him. How my thought has been invaded just by thinking about him.

So, let say i am thinking about another boy. The current one. The one that I like. I thought why he can't text me back, or why i am so irrelevent to him except for certain time, why he can't be an attentive listener, why this and how's that. In a few years time, when i'll look back at the current situation, I would be asking myself.. why do I push myself so hard to someone who don't even recognized me and I am certain that I will blame myself, if i made a wrong decision.

So that's that. Now is the hard time. Now is the time that I, myself let you be the king in my brain. In a few years time..when the answer reveal itself..you'll just be a nobody. And thats when you'll be lower than the cats..haha..

So this i must learn..to be an average thinker..to not let you..the 'nobody in the future' be so powerful in my brain..I have been through this over and over..there must be a lesson learnt..and i must learn it..

Thank you for being my friend..I wish you know the real feeling..but I'm scared you'll be gone too fast..Rejection can be so hard..This I will take as my experience.

I can't wait to see my friends..:)